I've not written much over break. I'm also not pimping my blog on Twitter anymore. I mean, the link's there. But I figure, if people really want to know me or know what I talk about, they'll find me. Eventually I may even find a way to integrate this with my Facebook feed? Yeah... I'm not real good with cross-referencing stuff, so that may be a while. I'm thinking about cross-posting to Xanga and MySpace, too. (Yes, I'm still on there, and they are private, so I wouldn't try if I were you unless you're a friend IRL. I try to spare the internet my share of personal woes.)
I feel like break went so fast! Then, I think the idea of school puts me off a bit, being on academic probation and everything. It's kind of like horseback riding. You know you can do it, but then you get so complacent that you do something stupid - you stop paying attention, you don't tighten the girth right - and WHAM! Your horse takes off and you're eating dirt, the wind knocked out of you as you stare up into the branches. Granted, school isn't exactly the same. I cannot pinpoint for you exactly what I did, what motions I did or did not go through, that caused my grades to reflect my brain so poorly. But the concept is the same: back in the saddle. You gotta get up there and ride again, because if you don't now, you never know when you will.
And I've fallen off my share of horses.
That off my chest, I'll admit I'm trying to be optimistic about this semester. I've already gotten wayward reviews of a few professors - we shall have to see, I'll save judgment - and I'm down to 15 instead of 18 credits, which is shitty when compared to say, the 12 I thought I was going to get away with, but FAR better than a full courseload. My birthday's Monday, and I'll be spending it in Clarion, hopefully prepping for the start of classes on Tuesday. My plan is to leave Sunday after church, since I'll already be in Kittanning. Unfortunately, I haven't even started packing... urgh.
I haven't gotten to do a lot of the stuff I wished to over break. I DID get to go ice skating, which was a brilliant time with Radish and Jade, much-needed for the three of us. Primanti's afterwards was the icing on the cake. I did not, however, go visit Grandma Thelma in her new apartment, or see my Dad as much as I'd have liked... Honestly, it's really hard for me to explain if you don't have divorced parents, but finding time - no, not finding time. MAKING time to go see the one you don't predominantly live with is really difficult, especially when you're at that awkward stage between teen and adult. (In my case there are also many more factors to the ugly situation, but I'll spare you the details.) I am still at that age in the childhood mindset of "if he wants to see me, he'll make the plans." The adult part of me responds with, "Well he thinks you're a big girl now, you have to make plans with him." Can't I have a fucking compromise? For Christ's sake, I'm 21 and a student, not a full-time working adult where I have to pencil you in for you to get some time with me. I wish sometimes, perhaps selfishly, that he'd make more of an effort to make plans with ME, instead of always waiting on me to make plans with him and in the interim making me feel guilty that I'm not at that very moment. I apologize that our similarities in interest end with music and family. Even the latter is strained occasionally. Believe me, I wish I could be like my brother, mechanically inclined and able to help him out in the garage, to give me that excuse of time with him. But no, if I go over and we have nothing planned, we kinda just sit around and stare at each other. Unless we turn on the TV, and don't get me wrong, we've watched some pretty cool informational shows. But... yeah.
I've found that there can be an abundance of stupid, petty arguments on Twitter - and this is only a recent discovery because when I followed very few people, this was a rare occurrence. The topic can range from Mac v. PC (so tired of that) or ATT v. Verizon (also beat to death) to Pens Fan v Puck Bunny. I'm slowly learning to tune it out, but peacemaker that I am, it's a hard thing for me to do.
Blogging this right now also keeps my mind off of Haiti.
In other news, today - er, yesterday, Friday - was my great-grandmother's 96th birthday.
In other news... I lead a pretty sad excuse for a life.
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